Successfully  Searching for Love

Are you 'in love' but 'in pain' as well?     You may have been searching for love in the wrong places or with the wrong outlook. Wise up your love search! Here are some tools to make sure you find and keep true love.

Are you suffering from unrequited love and you're finding it hard to get over him or her?  Do your love searches often lead you to someone who does not seem to reciprocate your feeelings, at least not as you would like?  Do you often ask yourself 'does he/she love me'? Does it seem as if those who are romantically interested in you are just not as attractive, not as interesting, not as sexy as you wish they were?

or 

Do your relationships often end in painful break-ups and you are finding it hard to get over him or her? Do you look at your boyfriend/girlfriend/spouse and wonder what on earth you saw in him/her in the first place?  Do you wish you could be with someone else? Are you thinking about resuming your love search whilst still in a relationship?  If you are falling out of love with someone you still care about you may wish to quickly skip to here.

Has your love searching entailed a string of painful relationships which seem to all end up catastrophically?  Has he/she dumped you and you don't even know what happened?  For these 2 circumstances, you may wish to immediately skip to here.  Are you still waiting by the phone for him/her to call?  Or, have you dumped him/her in disgust? (Well, it's strong word, but you know what I mean...)

Does your love-life consist of TV and a meal alone? Talking to yourself or the characters on TV? (If you do this often you may wish to see a psychologist no matter what... !)

Are you looking for someone different, unique someone you would define as soulmate, but just can't quite find him/her? Are you day-dreaming about the love of your life?

What's going on? I have shared this frustration with you for many years.  My love life has been all of the above and more.  I have had bad love relationships, worse relationships and... No relationship!  I have spent hours, days, months longing for that elusive person who never seemed to quite reciprocate my feelings (at least not the way I expected or had envisaged); I spent so much time trying to find out what to do, how to attract him, how to 'fully' win his heart, or just how to seduce him... And I succeeded too!

I learnt all the 'tricks' out there, tested them and tried them all; I devoted so much time and energy to those 'projects of seductions' that I became almost an expert in it all.  But, ironically, after all those 'conquests', I was still searching for love; because each of those relationships were painful, one way or the other. None of them were as they should be. None of them were happy, really.  Not truly happy.

One of my counselors/therapists   told me that, if I could amass all the days, months, years spent trying to attract and seduce this or the other man, and direct all that energy onto something else, I could have been president today! Or a movie star! Well, maybe not quite, I say, but I could have achieved a lot more of what I wanted to achieve much more quickly!

It's no joke.

I wish I had known what I know now.  I would not have wasted so much precious time and, above all, I would not have been in pain.  And, before going on, let's clarify that being in pain emotionally does not always translate into tearful nights tossing and turning in your bed and a mountain of handkerchiefs scattered all over your home.  No.  It can often translate into many unhealthy habits, or just into mere apathy.  The way our mind tries to cope with emotional pain can be very deceptive. 

A great book about love reviewed here

A list of great self-help material is here

I finally became so increasingly fed up with it all that I decided it was time for a radical change.  I therefore saw a list of therapists, some of them quite awful (see my page on counseling), most mediocre and one excellent; I even saw a life coach and one hypnotist! I read all the best books, listened to the best mp3s, watched the best videos on how to find love, success, how to find happiness, and a huge amount of literature, audio and videos on love, on searching for love the right way, the wrong way and the 'no-way'... I studied, read, reflected, listened and watched.

Does he love you?  Find out here

Does she love You? Find out here

And then, something happened.  I began to succeed.  I began to see results.  In everything.  I began to be happy consistently.  It wasn't overnight, but it happened bit by bit in a flow of wonders and almost magic.  It wasn't this shrink, or that counsellor, or that particular book that helped me.  Maybe it was a combination of all.  As if my brain learnt to filter the useless, the babble, the cliches and processed whatever was really helpful.  I began to feel much happier much more consistently.

So, I have decided to share all I have learnt, from research, from counselling, from my own experiences, with you in a practical, simple way so that hopefully you can use at least parts of it as a helpful tool to make better, healthier decisions whilst searching for love, leading to a much better type of love. Let me reassure you of this: 

I am no longer in pain  

 

I have learnt to be happy and to find love in the RIGHT places.  I have learnt the right attitude to searching for love and creating success in my emotional life (and in other aspects of my life too).

I want to share with you the ugly mess, the ridiculous mess, the comic side and... The learning, the enlightenment, the practical steps that are keeping me happy and helping me to improve in all aspects of life.  I will try and be as simple, as practical as possible, whilst passing on the most important lessons I have learnt through therapy  , experience, books, audio, videos. 

Don't miss my page on 'falling in love'.  It includes a simple checklist and some advice I wish I'd heard and assimilated a long time ago, when I kept searching for love in the wrong places and with the wrong attitude!  If you are rushing, that's the page I'd read first.

If you are falling OUT of love or your partner is, read here

Let's wise up and become skilled in searching for love!  First of all, if you wish to learn how to search for love, click here

Are you with a Narcissist? Click here.

Are you suffering from Emotional Dependency?  Find out by clicking here.