EMOTIONAL TRANSFERENCE

('making someone fall in love with you... Over and over') 

This page is a must-read if you are:

1 - falling in love with your therapist OR

2 - if you want to know how help him/her fall in love with you, as well as to create and maintain the 'in-love' feeling with your boyfriend/girlfriend or spouse. 

If you wish to read the basic rules to make a man strongly interested in a woman, click here. 

Transference is a psychological occurrence which is at times created artificially by your therapist (though I would say rather irresponsibly at times), other times it just occurs in therapy for the reasons highlighted later on; at other times it's an event which taking place spontaneously, creating a strong 'crush' or 'in-love' feeling with someone, only to dissipate into nothing later on. It's also something which can be used to the couple's advantage when they wish to rekindle the 'in-love' feeling.

What is Emotional 'Transference'? Is it possible to 'make' someone fall in love with us? 

Let's uncover the mystery of 'emotional transference', when someone 'makes' a person fall in love with him/her. When you speak openly about anything that comes to mind, from your first love to your innermost dreams and desires, for example, and the person listening to you does so in a way that makes you feel understood, appreciated, NEVER judged nor criticized, eventually you will develop some feelings for that person listening to you. Depending on the nature of those uncensored 'revelations' (whether about love and exciting things or about hopes and dreams, for example), the feelings you are evoking within yourself whilst opening up about those thoughts often end up 'transferring' onto the person who's constantly listening to them with great interest, empathy and no judgement.  

So, if your revelation are passionate and exciting, you may well end up transferring those positive feelings (or part of them) onto the listener. If they are about your wonderful (positive) emotions when you fell in love (with whomever) you will transfer some of those feelings onto the empathetic listener. This takes place as long as your listener (or your therapist, or counselor) makes you feel interesting, exciting, unique; that he/she acts as if your stories are worthwhile and very interesting. During those 'revelations' there must never be any judgement but only understanding and empathy.

Does he love you? Quick check listhere

Does she love you? Quick check listhere

As you well know if you are going to therapy or counseling, this often takes place during your sessions (if indeed it's a method chosen by your therapist). It's inevitable.

The feelings you will feel for the 'listener' (or your therapist) are going to be very strong; you will often believe that you have inexorably fallen in love with him/her.

But, it's not love (unless it takes places within an established relationship) . You have not fallen in love. Your mind has simply transferred feelings within you (which may have been hidden for a long time, or even forgotten, but encouraged during the conversations) onto him/her. You are not in love with him/her, you are only re-living those feelings and projecting them onto him/her. I know it's hard to believe, because when you are experiencing transference you completely believe that you are in love with the most wonderful person on Earth, and that those feelings are real. But it's transference. It has nothing to do with who that person in front of you is, let alone how good he/she would be to your life.

During therapy sometimes your counselor or therapist will also experience some of those feelings towards you; this occurrence is referred to as 'counter-transference'. Again, it's a psychological process and it has nothing to do with real love. 

What is a real soul mate? Find out on this page 

So, if you have fallen in love with your therapist and he/she has not helped you through this in a timely fashion, you need to seek another therapist to get out of a feeling that is truly interfering with your progress. I have written more about this on this page.

However, if you already are in a loving relationship but somehow things have faded, transference techniques can be used to rekindle some of those initial feelings all over again. You must be open to each other, avoid judgement, reveal your each other's innermost (positive) dreams and desires, even relive some past experiences without jealousy. Talk about how you 2 first met, what great feelings you had about each other and so on.

You can also reveal other dreams, desires, innermost thoughts about life in general in the same way.

It will help to reconnect with your partner.

However, do not apply transference techniques to someone just to make them fall in love with you because it will not last.  Transference is not real love.  It's a technique or/and it's a psychological process.  No love can exist without a real foundation, which is based on knowing each other deeply and on the characteristics of an evolving relationship (see Evolving Relationships here).   Searching for (and finding) true love is based on truly understanding yourself and what love is.   

♥ How to really communicate with your partner and (re) establish harmony: clickhere.

♥ How to really know your partner and avoid common relationship break-up problems: on this page.

♥ A different approach: how to apply the law of attraction to create or re-create love in your life: read aLove 'Spell'.

A great book about love reviewed here

A list of great self-help material ishere

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