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6 Dating Mistakes you Must Avoid 

When you date you could ruin your chances early on by making these dating mistakes.  This is what they are in detail, so you can understand the reason behind them relating to dating strageties and relationship success.  

1. Acting ‘Desperate’
Acting desperate does not just mean you phone them too much, or you tell them that you love them over and over them even before they begin to develop affection for you, or you buy them plenty of gifts before you have committed to each other, and so on:  ‘desperation’ can be conveyed in many other ways and you must avoid conveying it.   

For example, if you give too much of your time to them too soon (being always available, for example, at a moment’s notice, when you two are only dating and have not committed to each other); having sex too soon (this one is obvious but it’s one of the most common mistakes, since by doing so you will prevent them from falling in love with you, especially if they are male); being too ‘pushy’ about meeting often or for long, ‘intense’ dates when you two are only dating casually and the other person is  trying to take some time for other aspects of his/her life); forcing a connection or wanting to ‘please’ too much.   

This is not about the silly game of ‘playing hard to get’; it’s about being mentally and emotionally balanced and showing that you are so: every emotionally healthy person will look for ‘balance’ in the other, even if only at subconscious level.  Don’t play games, since anybody with a brain can spot a game player and that is a mistake, but don’t be ‘an empty’ soul waiting for someone else to fill your emotional void (it will never work in the long term).   

 2. Not being your own person
Whilst it’s important to listen and empathize with your date, don’t become a ‘yes, whatever you say/whatever you want’ type of person; if you do, any emotionally healthy individual will think that you are either a ‘fake’ or you just have no identity, both a real turn off; you could also appear to be trying to please too much (therefore ‘desperate’, as explained above) or to have no ‘intelligence’.  Of course, whilst you express your own opinions and thoughts you must make sure you do so respectfully and empathetically. 

3. Bringing up your ex’s
Your initial dates are not the time to talk about your past relationships unless your date specifically asks you to; even then, answer briefly and never appear that you and your ex have unresolved issue, anger, resentment or any other negative ‘leftovers’.  More importantly, if you have unresolved issues from the past you probably should not be dating yet anyway (it’s always a good idea to talk through them with a good therapist or counsellor). 

Don’t get me wrong:  being open and vulnerable to your ‘mate’ are very important; however, this is not to be shown on the initial dates when you are only trying to get to know each other at a superficial level.   

4. Showing too much.
Don’t show too much of your body on your first dates, since you may appear ‘desperate’ if you do so; of course if you met on a hot beach that would be hard to avoid, but we’re talking regular dates anywhere else!   

5. Talking too much.
Talking too much is a huge mistake.  Unless your date asks you specific questions, and lots of them, going on an on about yourself, your thoughts, etc is a bad mistake.  As a rule of thumb, on any date equal time should be spent listening to the other person and talking to them.  Moreover, if you spend your dates talking about yourself and your experiences you will fail to understand who the other person is and fall in the ‘transference’ trap. 

6. Putting your life second all the time.
Don’t drop everything you have planned to make space for your dates with him/her or to accommodate his/her dating availability.  It should be an equal effort and not based on one person doing all the adjusting and rescheduling.  Don’t allow him/her to call you last-minute and expect that you drop everything for her/him all the time:  if you do, you will look ‘desperate’, not having your own identity, not being happy with yourself, not being emotionally balanced and, basically, a ‘doormat’.  Being the most important person in someone’s life may be something you may reasonable expect to become (and vice-versa – especially if you don’t have children), but this comes much later on in the relationship, when there is commitment on both sides, established over time.    

Learn about the Transference Trap (or technique you can use to your own advantage when dating) on the page ‘Falling with Transference’.  It’ll also teach you how to make him/her fall in love with you quickly. 

Learn the SIGNS OF LOVE early on so that, during your dating time, you can quickly tell if he/she is falling in love with you.  

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