Did I Marry the Wrong Person?

You used to be crazy about each other but now things are different and you have strong doubts, or even small doubts. You wonder if you married the wrong person or if you chose the wrong person as your love partner. Find out now; the answer will probably shock you.

The answer to this question will probably shock you either way.  Before giving it to you, let me preface it by explaining the process of every relationship.  The beginning consists of a crush, a spark of interest or some instant attraction; then there’s the falling in love period, where you feel swept off your feet, an experience which makes you feel re-energized, revitalized, stronger, happier all around.  During the whole ‘positive’ period you can’t wait to see your partner, you think of him/her often in a positive way and, of course, you completely ignore all his/her challenging traits.  So, if he/she eats in a strange manner, you find it cute rather than annoying, for example.  

In brief, the stage described above is the easy stage (though not the most significant one although probably the most exciting); this because you don’t have to do anything, you just enjoy the ‘ride’, so to speak:  this phase is therefore referred to as  the passive phase, made of a series of ‘positive’ emotions that you are going through. 

But, as you may already know, this phase does not last forever. It’s going to end unequivocally and inexorably, after a varying period. You are no longer excited to see your partner, you don’t feel aroused by him/her as you used to (if at all) and all those character traits you found so cute at the beginning are now downright annoying. The excitement is almost or completely gone and you are now wondering what you saw in your partner in the first place. Resentment may have set in and you may have entered a phase of anger, where arguments are plentiful; alternative, it’s just silence, almost as if you two were ignoring each other.

It may well be that you are with the wrong person, especially if you didn’t do your ‘due diligence’ at the beginning (basically if you didn’t rationally think about each other’s zeniths, goals, characters, compatibility and so on).  But, more often than not, you have just entered the second stage of your relationship which, inexorably, you need to work through in order to achieve true love.  This ‘work’ needs to be done no matter the relationship and no matter which partner you are with.   

Some people react to this ‘dull’ phase of their relationship by leaving and seeking a new thrill elsewhere (these are perpetual relationship hoppers); others seek extra marital affairs to feel revitalized, and others just seek excitement in other activities (new hobbies, new job, new friendships, the Internet, alcohol, drugs and so on).   

But the only successful thing to do when you face the ‘dull’ or ‘negative’ phase of your relationship is to learn to make it work.  This is a process and it will be extremely rewarding in the end, bringing you true love.  So, in essence (and this is the revolutionary part you may well need to understand and embrace) the key to finding true love is not in ‘finding the right person, that ever elusive soul-mate’ (because as we said this ‘right’ person does not exist) but rather it’s in ‘learning to love the person you are with’.  You need to learn how to love (and be loved by) the person you have found; this is not subjective psycho-babble but a series of behaviours you need to adopt which, in time, will truly yield amazing results. 

All the answers about your love choices and it's process are explained on this page; all the answers about what true love is and what a healthy relationship are on this page and, if you wish to rekindle the passion with your partner, read this page. 

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