If you have just realized that your partner, boyfriend or spouse is having an affair or cheating on you ‘casually’, you may be tempted to act impulsively and do a number of things; such actions or behaviours will, later on, weaken any strategy you may implement to get him/her back, fix your relationship or even walk away without complications.

You must therefore avoid the following top mistakes if you are to avoid sabotaging any future healing or future success in your relationship. Even if you don't care and want to leave the cheater, these behavioural mistakes will make things worse for you no matter what you may want to do. 

1. Do not ignore the affair (or the cheating) and live in denial. You must not ignore the affair and hope it'll go away. If you do this she/he'll assume he/she's got away with it and will be tempted to do this over and over again with a string of women/men.  Or, worse still, he/she may grow more and more attached to the other person and eventually lose any real love for you completely and forever. 

2. Do not confront the cheater without a strategy. Since you need to confront him/her about it, you must do it only when you have proof of the affair/the cheating, when you have a cool head and when you know what you want to get out of the confrontation.  Just asking the cheater outright will not work in your favour because he/she may just lie about it and you'll be none the wiser.  Instead, compile the proof and then tell the cheater (calmly) that you know all about it.  When she/he admits it, then you ask, with a very cool head, all the important questions you need to ask about the infidelity, paying very close attention to what he/she’s saying and how he/she's saying it.  You need to determine if it's just a fling to boost his ego/her self-esteem or if he/she's falling in love with the other person; this will, in turn, determine if you need counselling or therapy or if you need to walk away.  Be rational about it, very cool-headed and very strategic. 

3. Do gather information about the other person, but don't obsess over her/him.  Gathering some basic information about the other person (age, occupation, habits) will help you decide whether your guy/woman has just lost his/her mind temporarily, seeking a thrill or seriously falling for this other person.  However, don't become obsessed with the other person and don't keep asking the cheater questions about the other person.  Do not make ‘the other’ the focus of your energy nor the focus of your conversations with your partner/spouse.  You need to focus on yourself, your relationship and your strategy. 

Ironically, the first thing to do when your loved one is cheating, is to follow the N1 Rule of Success in Love.  It will change you from victim to victor, no matter what your decision will eventually be (whether you want to stay in the relationship or leave your partner).