Does He Love Me?

When people are searching for love, or even think they found love, they often ask themselves (and others) questions such as:

Does he love me? We are dating but... Does he love me? Or: 'I am so confused, we are hitting it off but... Does he really love me?' ... Or: 'How can I know that he really loves me?', and so on.

I hear the same questions from guys too; so, even if you are male, I strongly suggest you read this page because there are fundamental psychological similarities; however, I have also written a short page here on specific signs that a girl or woman loves you taking into account the subtle behavioural gender differences in this subject.

Because figuring out if someone loves us seems to be a common issue, I have decided to put together some simple guidelines upon which you can have a better idea if he loves you or... Not. I think it's wise, smart even, if you are searching for true love, to detach yourself a little and see if this relationship of yours is actually based on something good, positive and real you can build upon. If you seek true love you need to find out where you stand before you invest your emotions even further. You have to be honest, though, and not blinded by the 'high' of being in love.

First of all, if you have to ask yourself this question (‘does he love me?’), unless you are completely naive or new to love, it's probably a red flag of some sort. Usually we do know when we are loved. However, when we are young, inexperienced or if we are emotionally out of balance (which can happen to anybody at anytime for many reasons), sometimes we fail to appreciate or even see that someone is truly loving us or … That they are not.

So, what are the main clues that he loves you?

The following are signs of true love, not that he's hot for you; this because he may well be 'hot' for you (he may fancy you, find you attractive etc) but not love you at all! If you are only interested if he's physically attracted to you, then read up on the clear signs of attraction . But if you are here to understand if he truly loves you, these are the surest behavioural love patterns you can rely on:

1 - HE ACTS IN A LOVING WAY TOWARDS YOU CONSISTENTLY. This could range from buying gifts for you (which means that he's thinking about you all the time), no matter how small the object (it could be a card or your favourite type of coffee just before you 2 meet) to making sure you are sheltered from the rain, or you are warm (so he may give you his jacket, his umbrella, whilst he 'suffers'). Some men are not well equipped to showing you that they love you but you can detect if he's thought about you when you weren't together by many little things; this is important. Also, acting lovingly means that he remembers what you have said to him and listens to you attentively and with genuine interest. He may not share your taste or your hobbies (in fact, you absolutely do not have to do so therefore don’t even try if you are not interested in his hobbies, you will look silly to him, or sycophantic) but he respects them and may even find out a bit about them so that next time he can talk about it to you, sometimes trying to impress you, other times because he wants to connect with you.

2 - HE SPEAKS LOVINGLY TO YOU. This could be that he tells you that he loves your hair, or he loves your smile, or he loves your voice (you see, he does not have to say 'I love you' outright, some men just don't say those words much but will say with more ease things like 'I love the way you....' for example).

So he pays compliments to you, he makes you feel loved with his words and the way he looks at you. Now, be careful. Some men will say great things to you, they will even say 'I love you' (for some men it's easy to say those words, actually, because they’ve said it to so many women so many times…) but they will be playing you. SO, although this sign is important, it is not sufficient proof that he loves you per se. It needs to be accompanied by the other signs highlighted on this page.

Read my review on a great book about love here

A list of great self-help material is here

What is a true soul mate? Find out here

3 - HE LOVES TAKING CARE OF YOU. This does not mean that you should need his help all the time about a lot of things, because if you do you are not taking care of yourself and that's a bad trait to carry into a relationship (something that will weaken you and weaken the relationship eventually). However, if you do need help in something, he should be there for you in some way, even if only for (serious) moral or emotional support. Emotionally, he should be there for you almost all the time. He supports you in your goals, interests, dreams (by that I mean psychologically, emotionally and, if he can, even practically). He supports your interests, you goals. He respects them. This does not mean he shares the same interests as you, not at all, but he respects them, therefore he allows you to pursue them and indeed supports you in doing this. This is important because you may - consciously or subconsciously - engage in a relationship where you are doing all the supporting, where you are the one sharing HIS interests whilst it's not the other way round. This will lead to a painful relationship for you in the end, and you definitely do not want that.

4 - HE IS COMMITTING TO YOU. Of course, do not expect this after a few days (so don't jump into bed with him immediately because it will NOT help him commit to you at all). If, after a while (and especially after your relationship has become sexual) he has not committed to you in an exclusive way (=he is NOT dating others) he does not love you. When he loves you, he's committing to you this way too: he includes you in his future plans (with your permission, of course), he talks about what you 2 can to together; d istant holidays together, distant plans in which you 2 are working as a team, and so on. He pictures you in his life.

Remember that a healthy relationship is about 2 people working as a team, it's about both of you working for each other’s happiness as well as your own. So, if it's all about him he clearly does not love you (he is selfish and incapable of true love); although it is essential that he can open up to you about anything and everything, and he must be able to do this regularly, your relationship must not be all about him. Equally, though, if it's ALL about you (if he becomes obsessed with you) that's not love either, but only an obsession.

Now, if you are definitely seeing the above signs in him, he’s definitely displaying signs that he loves you. Definitely. So all you have to do is make sure you continue your relationship on a healthy, balanced, mutually supportive basis (read the solid criteria for happy, healthy love for more information on this).

Want to make him fall in love with you? Click here

How to rekindle the passion in your relationship: click here

If he is not displaying the above signs in a clear way, then you need to rethink your relationship. Is he too selfish to be capable of true love? If so, don’t expect him to change in the future unless he goes to therapy (the only way someone can change significantly is through therapy, nothing else). If you are convinced that he is a very kind, considerate, loving man (and that you 2 are truly good for each other in the long run), but that he has just not fallen in love with you yet, you may want to read up on something that you can do to 'help him’ fall in love with you .

If you have concluded that he does not love you, you may also need to check his body language signs of attraction to see if he is actually attracted to you or if he's not even attracted to you in a significant way. Remember that searching for true love requires a smart strategy about yourself, what you think about love and your love search in general, if you are to succeed!